Leek > noun a plant related to the onion, with flat overlapping leaves forming an elongated cylindrical bulb which together with the leaf bases is eaten as a vegetable. It is used as a Welsh national emblem.
The following is a proof of the non-existence of God based on the existence of the leek:
What is the point of the leek? It tastes a bit like an onion, but it's not as nice. It looks more like a big spring onion, but without that delightful freshness. In fact, I would go so far as to say tat the leek is an entirely pointless vegetable. Now (and this is the clever bit), let us suppose that there is a God. He's omnipotent, He's omniscient, He is the big cheese. He creates all things to have a purpose, you have a purpose, I have a purpose, even that fly that buzzes around you when you're trying to get to sleep has a purpose (in case you didn't know, it's to test you). However the leek does not have a purpose, no matter how hard you look.
'Aha!' I hear you cry, 'You have made a fatal mistake' you say 'you have forgotten leek ad potato soup, you silly ass.' Well, I take your point. Leek and potato soup is a Good Thing, but ask yourselves this: would The Lord, Our God really bat an eyelid just to provide an extra option on the lunch menu? No, of course he wouldn't. Clearly then, if there were a God, there would be no leek. But there is a leek, therefore there is no God. QED.
But consider, my friend, bacon. Bacon is without a doubt the most fantastic of all the tasty pig bits, which is no mean feat. Bacon without a doubt has a purpose - it is here to be tasty and to be used in arguments with vegetarians (mainly arguments which follow the "BUT LOOK HOW TASTY" form), and frying it provides the best alarm clock there is - the SMELL of bacon. So we have established that there is at least 1 thing with a purpose (though I could also list so many other things, such as strawberries which are delicious and naked mole rats which just look so, so silly!), and as Aquinas shows in his analogy to an arrow not being able to direct itself to a target, an inanimate object cannot direct itself to an end. So bacon requires an archer. Or something. No, God. Yeah. So
ReplyDelete1) Bacon has a purpose,
2) it can't give itself purpose
3) Therefore, from (1) and (2), a creator gave it its purpose.
So it doesn't matter if one thing doesn't have a purpose - one example of design is enough. And yeah, you can say that if He was all the omni-s, then there would be nothing without purpose, but then you are defining God out of existence yourself, and not all thrusts make that claim anyway.
So, in summary, bacon is great and actually goes very well with bacon in risotto. Therefore, God is Italian. QED.